05-21-2022, 10:06 PM
Nice one Tim
However, 'in the sky' could be seen as redundant
cheers
mark
I've just noticed that you are sticking to 5-7-5 which could lead to a whole different debate.
I see this as a Richard Wright type of haiku/poem observation
I still think 'in the sky' is redundant and just filling for the sake of three syllables.
The best alternative I could come up with is
Half-moon, bowl of light
tipped over the horizon
pours out a dead haze.
but I'm not sure if this works
Sorry to be a nuisance
Mark
However, 'in the sky' could be seen as redundant
cheers
mark
I've just noticed that you are sticking to 5-7-5 which could lead to a whole different debate.
I see this as a Richard Wright type of haiku/poem observation
I still think 'in the sky' is redundant and just filling for the sake of three syllables.
The best alternative I could come up with is
Half-moon, bowl of light
tipped over the horizon
pours out a dead haze.
but I'm not sure if this works
Sorry to be a nuisance
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie
