Old Shoes edit
#3
(05-10-2022, 11:06 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote:  
Old Shoe
 
Old shoes tattered and worn,

sit in the corner,

maybe forgotten, so forlorn.

 

Laces frayed, covered in dirt and holes;

Soles worn and flapping.   loose                         this is sort of a still life, so the sole(s) wouldn't be flapping,,,,

But this old shoe sits not sad.   

 

Every scuff and stain a story to give.

A story of steps taken, roads well traveled.

Longing for the shiny and new

is to deny a life well lived.

 

Battered and torn, such a shoe


might sit sad and alone,


but shoes never do.


The best part of such a life 


is that shoes come in sets of two.
Rather than giving the shoes human feelings, I would cut that and focus on what remains.  I think your third stanza makes for a better ending.
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Messages In This Thread
Old Shoes edit - by brynmawr1 - 05-10-2022, 11:06 AM
RE: Old Shoe - by The Karate Kid Part 2 - 05-10-2022, 01:16 PM
RE: Old Shoe - by TranquillityBase - 05-10-2022, 09:20 PM
RE: Old Shoe - by Mark A Becker - 05-10-2022, 10:13 PM
RE: Old Shoe - by brynmawr1 - 05-10-2022, 11:32 PM
RE: Old Shoe - by brynmawr1 - 05-11-2022, 08:26 AM



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