Innocence

[Semicircle]

Innocence

Innocence looks ever toward its loss
blindly fleeing magic and wonderment
realizing not what its yearnings will cost;
too late to recapture childhood’s content. Very strong opening. I feel stronger than the rest of the poem, which in some bits feels forced.
Willfully, these carefree days fall away,
Annus mirabilis they disappear. Cut 'they' also anubis mirabilis seems unnecessary and long.
Yearning, he bids not these marvels to stay, Innocence is a he? I think this piece can do without this pronoun, perhaps just a simple 'it' would work. Since it does not focus on him specifically.
nor joy does he bring without sending tears.
No! Wisdom secures not fled innocence
nor buys back that ransomed for pleasures brief.
Forever regret stains this happenstance 'Forever regret' sounds silly. Maybe just switch around the words.
the rest of life spent in thrall to this grief.
Truth on young ears falls dumb: ignored bequest. bequest seems like a stretch.
“Once out you may ne’er return to this nest.”


Yeah, I know it was supposed to be a sonnet, but...

Cheers for the read Erthona,
Sc.