04-18-2022, 05:30 AM
That "Peter Paul" thing was clever, I have to say,
even though it was technically a pun; although,
I'm not sure if a pun is appropriate for the subject matter
even though it would be a shame to get rid of it.
If this was a more lighthearted poem it would work
but it seems a bit jarring for me.
https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/2a8f27863...quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=1db3fd6646a1db6b2972efa5bce068ff
Francis Bacon- The Black Tryptichs
He's dead there
and I left him
hunched over
the toilet.
I am the abuser;
I thought I was
incapable,
but he's dead:
I killed him.
I am a masochist
but I realize now,
to become corrupted,
you must be a sadist as well.
Though, I did not revel in his pain,
I did to my own,
when he died.
even though it was technically a pun; although,
I'm not sure if a pun is appropriate for the subject matter
even though it would be a shame to get rid of it.
If this was a more lighthearted poem it would work
but it seems a bit jarring for me.
https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/2a8f27863...quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=1db3fd6646a1db6b2972efa5bce068ff
Francis Bacon- The Black Tryptichs
He's dead there
and I left him
hunched over
the toilet.
I am the abuser;
I thought I was
incapable,
but he's dead:
I killed him.
I am a masochist
but I realize now,
to become corrupted,
you must be a sadist as well.
Though, I did not revel in his pain,
I did to my own,
when he died.

