03-29-2022, 01:48 AM
Hey Semi C-
I climbed all the way up,
my journey's reward? awkward sentence fragment
a naked monk, jacking it.
Should be capital "A" after the question mark. Maybe lose the "?" and just add "was" to begin L.3. The masturbating monk is an unexpected turn, and "beats" the original version; that specificity adds more clarity.
A new title may be in order, as well. I have a suggestion, yet leave you to finish it: "The Sound of One ... "
I climbed all the way up,
my journey's reward? awkward sentence fragment
a naked monk, jacking it.
Should be capital "A" after the question mark. Maybe lose the "?" and just add "was" to begin L.3. The masturbating monk is an unexpected turn, and "beats" the original version; that specificity adds more clarity.
A new title may be in order, as well. I have a suggestion, yet leave you to finish it: "The Sound of One ... "