03-12-2022, 03:29 AM
.
.
Hi TqB,
like the new title (yay you!), but I think it's a bit overwritten.
Just a thought ...
My old eyes are made curious again,
by the ferocity of the pass, their sudden
collisions and the thundering chants
from massed spectators, the commentators’
strange poetry baffling in its beauty
leads me to worship every player
leaving my age and anxiety behind .......... I like the thought, not the expression (and 'age' after 'my old eyes' seems redundant)
But above all,I admire the stoic goalie,
How I dread the penalty kick,
that seems too much like an execution;
... I think there room for something here (a bit more of like those last three lines, perhaps?) ...
I’m learning what it takes to make a goal,
minutes filled with hours of ceaseless effort
but I just want to see the ball in play again
a deliverance from infirmity
and that inevitable relegation.
(If you'll allow, the last line sounds very English 
)
)Best, Knot
.