03-03-2022, 01:52 AM
(03-02-2022, 04:26 AM)Semicircle Wrote: EditI like this poem although I can't say I really understand it. I'm taking it that the baby of the title is the elephant of the poem. The edit is an improvement. A few suggestions.
Fly trap,
that caught the phantoms, catches the phantoms
infusing them within. comma instead of full stop
Tapping the elephant t
of its endless energy,
their unable to fade away.
Wrinkled foot
pooling into the corridor,
body groaning
from inside the wall. another comma instead of full stop; I'm reading "wall" as the concrete bunker poured atop Chernobyl
Trunk stretched out,
groping for a cool spring;
the elephant thirsty
for fresh souls.

