View From My Window

[Mark A Becker]

[quote="Mark A Becker" pid='257355' dateline='1642856379']
View From My Window

"[B]elow" is just a bit forced and jarring - to what does it refer?  the view from my window- windows can be on the second floor, ya know. I debated leaving out the commas...

And though I can't think of a good construction that would preserve the metric scheme in the last line, it might be out there - "infiltrates," for example, in place of "blows in,"
"blows in with" to rhyme with "frozenness" .  I actually had to wait quite a while for that to fall into place (the snow had nearly melted by then)

As is, the missing first beat works well enough - a caught breath for the wind, as it were.
That was my thinking- just leave out a beat to allow "blows in" to have more emphasis. 

I really do torture myself with these things.  I wanted to maintain the "8-6, 8-6" count, but the missing beat worked better than another syllable would've

Thanks for the eyes on it, duke,
Mark