12-09-2021, 04:00 AM
The Mess Before Christmas
Up there on the rooftop,
a hellacious banging noise,
waking up the neighbors,
and all the girls and boys.
Grandpa grabbed his baseball bat
and grandma grabbed her gun,
the reindeer, they just froze in place
so Santa had to run.
He jumped down to the driveway
and out into the yard,
then grandma opened fire,
and Santa went down hard.
Grandpa said, "oh, grandma,
look at what you did!"
Grandma stood there shaking
and cried, "don't tell the kids."
Santa laid there moaning
crumpled on his pack,
and grandma said, "I never knew
that Santa Claus was black."
A neighbor who was filming
said, “just use common sense,
he threw some snowballs at her,
it was clearly self-defense.”
Grandpa was a doctor,
he turned and then replied,
“just shut up and help me
get this man inside.”
While he was stitching Santa
grandma gasped, surprised,
what she saw inside his pack
made her eyes grow wide.
"There’s a pistol here for Joey,
a shotgun there for Tom,
and Jenny’s got a rifle,
and a kit for making bombs."
About this time, Black Santa
was beginning to wake up,
said he finally got promoted
to deliver all the Christmas stuff.
He said that ole Saint Nicholas
had gotten nasty drunk,
and they had to lock him up
inside a storage trunk.
And poor ole Mrs. Claus
could only stand and sob,
“he gives everything away
and doesn’t even have a job.”
Grandpa stayed with Santa
to help him to recover,
meaning good ole grandma
had to step up and take over.
Rudolph (that prima donna)
was on a labor strike,
the only one to guide the sleigh
was a unicorn named Spike.
Spike did not speak English,
but when grandma pulled the reins,
he nodded, then flew off,
while grandma yelled, “oy vey!”
As kids from all around the world
snoozed the night away,
Spike and Grandma Santa
saved their Christmas Day.
Up there on the rooftop,
a hellacious banging noise,
waking up the neighbors,
and all the girls and boys.
Grandpa grabbed his baseball bat
and grandma grabbed her gun,
the reindeer, they just froze in place
so Santa had to run.
He jumped down to the driveway
and out into the yard,
then grandma opened fire,
and Santa went down hard.
Grandpa said, "oh, grandma,
look at what you did!"
Grandma stood there shaking
and cried, "don't tell the kids."
Santa laid there moaning
crumpled on his pack,
and grandma said, "I never knew
that Santa Claus was black."
A neighbor who was filming
said, “just use common sense,
he threw some snowballs at her,
it was clearly self-defense.”
Grandpa was a doctor,
he turned and then replied,
“just shut up and help me
get this man inside.”
While he was stitching Santa
grandma gasped, surprised,
what she saw inside his pack
made her eyes grow wide.
"There’s a pistol here for Joey,
a shotgun there for Tom,
and Jenny’s got a rifle,
and a kit for making bombs."
About this time, Black Santa
was beginning to wake up,
said he finally got promoted
to deliver all the Christmas stuff.
He said that ole Saint Nicholas
had gotten nasty drunk,
and they had to lock him up
inside a storage trunk.
And poor ole Mrs. Claus
could only stand and sob,
“he gives everything away
and doesn’t even have a job.”
Grandpa stayed with Santa
to help him to recover,
meaning good ole grandma
had to step up and take over.
Rudolph (that prima donna)
was on a labor strike,
the only one to guide the sleigh
was a unicorn named Spike.
Spike did not speak English,
but when grandma pulled the reins,
he nodded, then flew off,
while grandma yelled, “oy vey!”
As kids from all around the world
snoozed the night away,
Spike and Grandma Santa
saved their Christmas Day.