10-03-2021, 08:39 AM
Reasons why this one doesn’t work:
1) the last line is supposed to be a revelation, but the spoiler is in the title
2) that revelation is the only point about the poem. The line “charging the water” etc doesn’t make se sense as sunlight doesn’t recharge urine to “sustain the creatures below” - there is humorous hyperbole, but this one is just all over the place - much like the subject of the poem.
3) the revelation itself is hardly remarkable. Jokes about poop and piss can be funny, but this is neither funny nor epiphanic.
1) the last line is supposed to be a revelation, but the spoiler is in the title
2) that revelation is the only point about the poem. The line “charging the water” etc doesn’t make se sense as sunlight doesn’t recharge urine to “sustain the creatures below” - there is humorous hyperbole, but this one is just all over the place - much like the subject of the poem.
3) the revelation itself is hardly remarkable. Jokes about poop and piss can be funny, but this is neither funny nor epiphanic.