09-27-2021, 06:03 AM
I'll restrict my comments to the length and readability. I think you've done a really good job of breaking this up into bite-sized morsels. Readers nowadays (not all) have an ever shrinking attention span. You've broken it up in a way that encourages readers to take a bite, then another and so on. So, for me it remains engaging to the end. You might want to find a way to cut the last section in two, for the sake of uniformity. An issue for me might be that longer pieces never seem to get the same kind of fine tuning that short ones do. I think the best path to workshop this would be to edit each section independently and when you're satisfied, workshop it as a whole. They're two very different things and tricky to reconcile.