The Seraph With Blackened Wings

[ISawASpaceship]

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Hi ISaw,
I'm not religious, so if I've misunderstood, just ignore me.

Seraph leads to burning leads to lust (mistaken for love, perhaps)? To me this seems like a search for true love (temporal or spiritual).

I think the poem is a little muddled. I liked the opening verse, but then kept waiting for the blackened wings to beat, but they don't. Having to italicise that to ensure the emphasis is a bit of a weakness I think. And that last line, 'quarantined' as you have it from the rest, makes your intention much harder to discern.

Just a thought ... or two.

"those who kindle or make hot" (quote from wiki/seraphs)

The Seraph with Blackened Wings .......... not keen on this title as the Seraph isn't the subject of the piece.


A black, intricate design
is woven into the seraph's wings.
an archangel graces my bed

but when I gaze upon his face
I find a man, with weary heart,

I roll over onto my side and fall,
as one falls, into the depths of hell ........ this feels a little overwrought (but may just be me)

and I feel the deepest feelings
as one would feel in hell ...................... don't really follow this couplet, why would one feel more in Hell? And 'deepest' after 'depths' is poor.

Given that this (below) sounds like the start of a prayer, do you need 'I sit on my knees' (whatever that means, sounds like a contortionist's posture, but I think you just mean kneel)
Oh, angel that has graced my presence, .......... any alternative to avoid repeating 'grace'?
the crux of my existence, bringer of light,
I beg for your red, silken eyes to rise .......... 'silken'?
to mine

in a place that is not a planted fantasy,
in a place that is not a planted fantasy, ....... like the pleading quality of this. Works well after 'beg'. I read your explanation for these lines, is there a more universally understood term than 'planted fantasy'? It sounds very contemporary and made me think of 'false memories' (not, I think, what you were intending?)
but instead, reality .................................... I don't think this is necessary give that you've repeated 'not' (and presuming that the opposite of (a divine) planted fantasy would be reality)

because you have fled into the hills ..........are the 'hills' just here because of Rome? If so cut the line. Or is this something to do with Matthew 24:15-25? (Which I don't understand, but that's just me.)
and have brought my home, ..................... confused by 'brought', it suggests that you are also in 'the hills' (whatever or wherever they are).
my Rome, ................................................ all your sins? Lust etc? If so I like it. (If not, I still like it). Is it an alternative to Babylon?
with you
but I am not there. .................................I'm not sure where 'there' is.
I am here. .............................................. think you can cut this, and remove the empty space before the final line.
I am not.


Best, Knot


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I'll shed a little light on the context of the poem and then perhaps, it will clear up some questions. So for the sake of not bringing the drama llama about, I will not give out the name of the person who this poem is about, even though, it is merely the name that I know him by and not his real name. Let's just call him Westley, instead. 

To start out with, you were correct in assuming that this poem is about lust, but not just about the sexual aspect of things, rather the longing of being close to Westley. 

Notice that the Seraph in the poem is not pure white, but instead he has a black, intricate design, woven into his wings. He is Westley. To give some more understanding, the nature of the poem is speaking of a person who I had an affair with, this year. We met, shared things in common, and on top of everything bras were ending up in the family vehicle that were not mine. Even though my husband swore he hadn't cheated, I was convinced that he had. None of that would have been of much consequence to me, however, the already dying marriage and the lack of emotional support, caused me to turn to Westley, who was able to understand me and who I was, in the deepest of ways. The intricate design was woven into his wings which symbolizes that this was not who he was beforehand. It was woven in. (The darkness or corruption, if you will) 

Moving on, the lines "When I gaze upon the face of the man" speaks of an image that I have of him in my mind. It speaks of laying in my bed and picturing the image of him but finding that, that is not reality any longer, rather, it is just a memory and he is gone. So, I, being weary from my longing and the emotions that come with missing him, roll over onto my side and close my eyes, and fall asleep, purposefully so that I can dream about him. 

The mention of hell is there because in my waking life that is what it feels like, having to be torn away from him, so the mirror is there, where in real life I'm feeling like I'm in hell and those feelings are strong, but in my dreams when I see him I feel ecstasy.

Sitting on my knees is referring to kneeling, almost in a posture of humility, and signifying that I feel as if I am begging him to come back so often, that even in my sleep, I'm doing that very thing. 

When I say that his eyes are silken, I am saying that they are soft in nature. Tender, almost. There's an affection and a gentleness there. 

And the last few lines are about him leaving (fleeing into the hills) and he felt like my home so he carried that away with him. In a poem I have not posted, I liken him to Rome, because in that poem I write that he is my muse and is the beauty that sits high atop the hill, shining down upon me and then I ask what I have done to ever gain his eyes looking at me. Rome is essentially likened to a beautiful, remote land that is something I could never attain but somehow I did. And once again, now that he's gone, he has taken that with him. Hence, why I say "and now you have brought my home, my Rome, with you but I am not there. I am here." So I'm not where he is and my home, my Rome, lies with him. He is there and I am here. The last line "I am not." Is essentially saying even though I am physically here, in this place, I am not here, emotionally, spiritually. I'm not the person that I was. I'm a ghost of myself. 

I'll try to tidy up the rest of the poem, change the word grace, cut the "but instead, reality." and see what else I can do. Thank you for mentioning those things, by the way.