Cut Dawn

[Tiger the Lion]

Cut Dawn


Wounded sky seeps red
on slit silk cloud-kimono
sun-slain night expires.

Too much metaphor for a real haiku.  But, you know, we always talk about day dying in the west and maybe a little about nightfall - let's have a little sympathy for night dying in the east, OK?  It's pretty, too.

Very well done. There's no rule that says you can't write a great short form poem resembling a haiku. Plus, I think I mentioned in one of my own posts that it takes a certain restraint not to overpack a haiku- doesn't mean an overpacked haiku isn't a successful short poem. Seep, slit and slain are all great words. If I had anything to offer it would be that expires is somewhat redundant after slain. Even then, didn't notice it till the 3rd or 4th read. Thumbs up from me.