07-14-2021, 12:44 AM
I think this piece has some interesting lines: mostly like this one.
not remains of our fling, flung motionless,
like a prize baby-doll flailed till faceless.
My rupturing hands mold sadness in haste.
I really like those lines. I also find that you use too many intricate words. You also have to be careful of alliterations: what does bandit breezes mean? I also find that you need to work on your meaning because I could not grasp what this poem was about.
Anyway thanks for sharing.
not remains of our fling, flung motionless,
like a prize baby-doll flailed till faceless.
My rupturing hands mold sadness in haste.
I really like those lines. I also find that you use too many intricate words. You also have to be careful of alliterations: what does bandit breezes mean? I also find that you need to work on your meaning because I could not grasp what this poem was about.
Anyway thanks for sharing.