06-15-2021, 02:58 PM
Newbie,
The lack of rhythm in the absence of meter seems prosaic. The use of the outdated idea of leaving out punctuation not only makes the reading unnecessarily more difficult, but there is no rational for writing this way; simply because it is poetry is no excuse to not be grammatical.
The troupe is well worn, so as a philosophical idea it leaves something to be desired; overall a bit sophomoric.
I did like the lines:
"the thought of death was a fleeting thing
as lucid as a passing car radio "
This is a fresh and thought provoking simile. I also enjoyed the inclusion of "a knotweed seed of doubt", although knot-weed should be two words or else hyphenated. I like the image knot-weed conjures and the idea that it is difficult to get rid of, much as those ideas we are force-fed as young children without the ability to discern what we are being taught as fact is not fact.
best,
dale
The lack of rhythm in the absence of meter seems prosaic. The use of the outdated idea of leaving out punctuation not only makes the reading unnecessarily more difficult, but there is no rational for writing this way; simply because it is poetry is no excuse to not be grammatical.
The troupe is well worn, so as a philosophical idea it leaves something to be desired; overall a bit sophomoric.
I did like the lines:
"the thought of death was a fleeting thing
as lucid as a passing car radio "
This is a fresh and thought provoking simile. I also enjoyed the inclusion of "a knotweed seed of doubt", although knot-weed should be two words or else hyphenated. I like the image knot-weed conjures and the idea that it is difficult to get rid of, much as those ideas we are force-fed as young children without the ability to discern what we are being taught as fact is not fact.
best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.