06-13-2021, 01:11 PM
Newbie, I’m going to piggy back on Knot’s great critique a bit.
l. 3-4. as K says terrific image, what about “distant” instead of “coherent”
l. 7. maybe “nobody I really knew”?
l. 8. the seed I see as the seed of the “tale” you mention later, that there is no life after death. Maybe you could work up a way to make that more apparent (if I’m reading it right)
l.16. capitalize Superman to echo mention of comics earlier
last line, don’t tell them the “tale” or that you are thinking it?
Thanks for the read, TrqB
l. 3-4. as K says terrific image, what about “distant” instead of “coherent”
l. 7. maybe “nobody I really knew”?
l. 8. the seed I see as the seed of the “tale” you mention later, that there is no life after death. Maybe you could work up a way to make that more apparent (if I’m reading it right)
l.16. capitalize Superman to echo mention of comics earlier
last line, don’t tell them the “tale” or that you are thinking it?
Thanks for the read, TrqB