Melancholy Red v2

[Knot]

.

Hi Wj

I like the added verse, the proximity of 'calf' to 'fast' (though perhpas cut the opening 'the' and swap 'rain' for 'raining'?

Or even Lava rains on the beach)   Not so keen on 'carbuncles', anything more volcanic?

pyroclastic flows of pus ?

I think you could cut the 'will' (L10)

For me 'until I expire' has become a weakness. I think the piece reads a lot better (final comma or not ) without that line.


Best, Knot

.