04-17-2021, 10:52 PM
Thanks Knot, I totally agree about title, though I'm loathe to cut the poem back to the extent you are suggesting. You are also right about the chimes, the setting needs to come back into the poem somehow. Not familiar with Stevie Smith (other than the name). Yes, "drowning in the sea of love" is in the background unfortunately, but that's exactly how it felt to N. And it does mix the mataphors rather artlessly, but the solution to that is a longer poem. Thanks for your careful read and comments, I'll keep thinking about the cuts.