03-06-2021, 12:19 AM
.
Hi TB,
I’m in agreement with Weeded on this, vastly overwritten, repetitive
Our actions must have fallen short of their standards,
or perhaps we have violated their concept of fairness,
how is one not a restatement of the other?
And nonsensical in far too many places.
It is said we are in possession of a sealed envelope that contains a piece of paper
on which is written what we have done
(but it is so terrible, so immoral, and so wrong that we dare not attempt to find it).
You can’t be in possession of something that you ‘dare not attempt to find’. If it’s in your possession clearly you have dared, and found.
Or
The priest is restless and no longer tries to leave.
And I’m not sure the conclusion justifies the length of the journey to reach it. I didn’t for me.
I think TqB’s idea has some merit,
focus on the men (homeless I'm assuming) vs. the church, not your interactions with the church, or at least be more succinct.
especially the last part
Best, Knot
.
Hi TB,
I’m in agreement with Weeded on this, vastly overwritten, repetitive
Our actions must have fallen short of their standards,
or perhaps we have violated their concept of fairness,
how is one not a restatement of the other?
And nonsensical in far too many places.
It is said we are in possession of a sealed envelope that contains a piece of paper
on which is written what we have done
(but it is so terrible, so immoral, and so wrong that we dare not attempt to find it).
You can’t be in possession of something that you ‘dare not attempt to find’. If it’s in your possession clearly you have dared, and found.
Or
The priest is restless and no longer tries to leave.
And I’m not sure the conclusion justifies the length of the journey to reach it. I didn’t for me.
I think TqB’s idea has some merit,
focus on the men (homeless I'm assuming) vs. the church, not your interactions with the church, or at least be more succinct.
especially the last part
Best, Knot
.