03-05-2021, 12:37 PM
Torkelburger,
First thing that comes to mind is the title. I don't think you need to state the poem is a narrative poem. I won't go too far into the verses as there's so much filler, so many words that can feel wasted, it's honestly hard to continue reading after the first few lines. I find resolve by VIII in having continued as the reader, but theres so much fluff surrounding even the final stanzas it's hard to give a line-by-line critique. There are others here more well versed in narrative poetry that may find some constructive suggestions which I cannot give, but this poem currently isnt doing it for me, as it feels like it needs a TL;DR after reading it.
Best of luck,
Mike
First thing that comes to mind is the title. I don't think you need to state the poem is a narrative poem. I won't go too far into the verses as there's so much filler, so many words that can feel wasted, it's honestly hard to continue reading after the first few lines. I find resolve by VIII in having continued as the reader, but theres so much fluff surrounding even the final stanzas it's hard to give a line-by-line critique. There are others here more well versed in narrative poetry that may find some constructive suggestions which I cannot give, but this poem currently isnt doing it for me, as it feels like it needs a TL;DR after reading it.
Best of luck,
Mike
Crit away