02-14-2021, 01:43 AM
.
Hi TqB,
really like the idea and the title (not sure about the dates though) but I'd like to hear a more distinctive voice (for the bird). Perhaps cut out some of the 'encyclopaedic sections' and replace them with how the bird feels/reacts to the events.
You've got dodo in the title, so no need for words like flightless.
(No predators are inept, evolution wouldn't allow that
)
(Delicacy should be plural, given some)
We were a sluggardly bird,
or stately, depending
on who you ask. But me
I always thought we were
...
beauty being in the eye
of the whatever. Besides
who asked them ...
Best, Knot
.
Hi TqB,
really like the idea and the title (not sure about the dates though) but I'd like to hear a more distinctive voice (for the bird). Perhaps cut out some of the 'encyclopaedic sections' and replace them with how the bird feels/reacts to the events.
You've got dodo in the title, so no need for words like flightless.
(No predators are inept, evolution wouldn't allow that
)(Delicacy should be plural, given some)
We were a sluggardly bird,
or stately, depending
on who you ask. But me
I always thought we were
...
beauty being in the eye
of the whatever. Besides
who asked them ...
Best, Knot
.