02-04-2021, 12:28 AM
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Hi TqB,
can relate to the experience, but this is a bit of a muddle, for me.
Cutting/I sat - doesn't make much sense, then there's the ambiguity of from between my knees
(Genuine question, can you 'wipe away dried caliche (and what is 'dried caliche' as opposed to just 'caliche'?)
rocket-shaped - not exactly the most evocative description, and isn't it a bit redundant given 'flint point'?
Verse 3 - bit too heavy handed (my eyes believed, unutterably not me (which translates as 'extremely not me' - was that ever in question?)
(I'm not that bothered by 400 years, from what I remember, the Stone Age varies geographically, and, indeed, in some places is still ongoing.)
This - I’d been able to touch his hand - seems to me to be the heart of the poem and could be the place to begin when you come to revising the piece. It's the connection that matters, not the geography.
(Ending on a song lyric doesn't work for me, but I do like that song
)
Best, Knot
.
Hi TqB,
can relate to the experience, but this is a bit of a muddle, for me.
Cutting/I sat - doesn't make much sense, then there's the ambiguity of from between my knees
(Genuine question, can you 'wipe away dried caliche (and what is 'dried caliche' as opposed to just 'caliche'?)
rocket-shaped - not exactly the most evocative description, and isn't it a bit redundant given 'flint point'?
Verse 3 - bit too heavy handed (my eyes believed, unutterably not me (which translates as 'extremely not me' - was that ever in question?)
(I'm not that bothered by 400 years, from what I remember, the Stone Age varies geographically, and, indeed, in some places is still ongoing.)
This - I’d been able to touch his hand - seems to me to be the heart of the poem and could be the place to begin when you come to revising the piece. It's the connection that matters, not the geography.
(Ending on a song lyric doesn't work for me, but I do like that song
)Best, Knot
.