Pencive

[John]

Pencive

Thieves break in at night
in broad daylight,
abetted by family;
seeking your end.
You though  they
were your friends.


erthona © 2021

As Torkelburger.

Having thought about L2 - and you need to clarify - are you using 'broad daylight' as a stretched simile for 'brashness?' i.e. Screw you, night or day, we're in?

Whose family? What end? And why do they want it? You could even cut L1 to one word - Burglars. Punchy, dramatic, and usually signifying night-time.

With the current framework, this has potential to be a dramatic piece.