01-17-2021, 02:08 PM
Hello!
I loved this poem. It arouses such abstract emotion. I'm left drifting between melancholy, bliss, rest, and unrest. The emotion itself almost feels unfinished, mimicking the nature of the poem. The first and last stanza are my favourites. The first sets the tone as sterile and free of art and expression. Then, we're then given the full story. We're told of a creative and abstruse mind who's body will die in the sterile room. At first, I didn't like your use of ellipses. I especially didn't like how long they were - why use upwards of four dots in favour of the traditional three? However, upon my second read, I began to appreciate them. The pauses are reminiscent of a ventilator, and their decreasing lengths proves true to the idea of dying words.
I do wish, though, that you had kept to a stricter rhyme scheme. The rhymes in the third stanza were very engaging, and I wish that they connected more to the rest of the poem.
Best,
Kendra
I loved this poem. It arouses such abstract emotion. I'm left drifting between melancholy, bliss, rest, and unrest. The emotion itself almost feels unfinished, mimicking the nature of the poem. The first and last stanza are my favourites. The first sets the tone as sterile and free of art and expression. Then, we're then given the full story. We're told of a creative and abstruse mind who's body will die in the sterile room. At first, I didn't like your use of ellipses. I especially didn't like how long they were - why use upwards of four dots in favour of the traditional three? However, upon my second read, I began to appreciate them. The pauses are reminiscent of a ventilator, and their decreasing lengths proves true to the idea of dying words.
I do wish, though, that you had kept to a stricter rhyme scheme. The rhymes in the third stanza were very engaging, and I wish that they connected more to the rest of the poem.
Best,
Kendra