01-01-2021, 09:38 PM
Hello Rowens,
thank you for your input - which I'll take as a positive.
Hello Dale,
thank you for commenting.
Yes, lack of caps etc - really, this poem doesn't need cluttering, and hopefully, the sparseness gives the text an innocent feel.
Obvious couplets of 'sing song' ? - (at least the rhythm and rhymes seem to work) 'undercuts the seriousness' - I really like that insight.
'Breaking the last two lines into four...'
Yes, first off, I need to slow the ending down, otherwise it all sounds a bit rushed, and I feel the final revelation works much better as a stand alone line (as does the repeat of the title).
I appreciate the encouraging words...............Philip
thank you for your input - which I'll take as a positive.
Hello Dale,
thank you for commenting.
Yes, lack of caps etc - really, this poem doesn't need cluttering, and hopefully, the sparseness gives the text an innocent feel.
Obvious couplets of 'sing song' ? - (at least the rhythm and rhymes seem to work) 'undercuts the seriousness' - I really like that insight.
'Breaking the last two lines into four...'
Yes, first off, I need to slow the ending down, otherwise it all sounds a bit rushed, and I feel the final revelation works much better as a stand alone line (as does the repeat of the title).
I appreciate the encouraging words...............Philip