01-01-2021, 06:30 AM
philip,
Although the poem is based on a nominal seven foot line, the obvious couplets tend to make it sing-song and thus undercuts the seriousness of the topic. Breaking the last two lines into four does not seem to do anything positive for the poem. For readability please cap the beginning of sentences. All of these things tend to break the reader's attention and thus takes the reader out of the poem. The form of a poem, whether formal or not should strive to keep the reader immersed in the poem, not stopping to sort out the technical merits of the poem.
Though loss of innocence is a well worn theme, the idea of being orphaned by Father Christmas brings a fresh perspective.
best,
dale
Although the poem is based on a nominal seven foot line, the obvious couplets tend to make it sing-song and thus undercuts the seriousness of the topic. Breaking the last two lines into four does not seem to do anything positive for the poem. For readability please cap the beginning of sentences. All of these things tend to break the reader's attention and thus takes the reader out of the poem. The form of a poem, whether formal or not should strive to keep the reader immersed in the poem, not stopping to sort out the technical merits of the poem.
Though loss of innocence is a well worn theme, the idea of being orphaned by Father Christmas brings a fresh perspective.
best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.