01-01-2021, 03:27 AM
That's why I want to talk to the narrator. You said it's entirely about Father Christmas, and two belief systems. It can be about more than one belief system while still about Father Christmas, entirely. And the theological language mightn't be there, since you can have belief systems with no theological language.
Now the narrator might still be a child, still believing, or pining over a recently lost belief, or indifferent, or not really indifferent, but just saying. The narrator might not be a child, or a human.
And the father might be so much about Christmas that no other father could be that way of Christmas.
This is all clear.
The sense of jumping around is in it. The thinking, the connecting of ideas or concepts, these come off as haphazard, what I meant by sketchy. More like a compiling of loose ideas, and so no mood, no real effect, and the music of it is somehow more of a distraction, and it's hard to find what you're being distracted from.
I want to say things that the rules of this thread restrict. You seem to have no restrictions, and nothing to restrict. It seems simple and straight forward a poem, and I want to read more from it, and the little I get seems not even there.
I read poems as realities, and narrators as living things. I don't get any sense of a narrator. No overall, no lasting effect. I want to pull the narrator out a little. A poem like this, it seems a narrator shouldn't be so loss behind the sound.
start stop start stop start start start stop
That's all I feel in the rhythm, and the content seems lost in that.
Every year's a new year for me.
Now the narrator might still be a child, still believing, or pining over a recently lost belief, or indifferent, or not really indifferent, but just saying. The narrator might not be a child, or a human.
And the father might be so much about Christmas that no other father could be that way of Christmas.
This is all clear.
The sense of jumping around is in it. The thinking, the connecting of ideas or concepts, these come off as haphazard, what I meant by sketchy. More like a compiling of loose ideas, and so no mood, no real effect, and the music of it is somehow more of a distraction, and it's hard to find what you're being distracted from.
I want to say things that the rules of this thread restrict. You seem to have no restrictions, and nothing to restrict. It seems simple and straight forward a poem, and I want to read more from it, and the little I get seems not even there.
I read poems as realities, and narrators as living things. I don't get any sense of a narrator. No overall, no lasting effect. I want to pull the narrator out a little. A poem like this, it seems a narrator shouldn't be so loss behind the sound.
start stop start stop start start start stop
That's all I feel in the rhythm, and the content seems lost in that.
Every year's a new year for me.