01-01-2021, 02:30 AM
Rowens,
thank you reading and commenting (this is more like it!).
Yes, your opinions certainly do matter, since you have taken the time and trouble to critique the poem.
It is entirely your assumption that the narrator is 'grown up', no doubt thrown by the supposedly theological language. But that's fine.
I have to take issue with your comment that the lines are 'guided' by the rhymes - for me, every rhyme drives the narration - an example of what you mean would have been handy.
'Sounds sketchy'? - good, that's exactly the effect I was after. I'm covering two completely different belief systems within a single narration, so non-specificity is in order here.
'The content isn't as smoothly laid as it could be.' - I don't know what you mean by this, again, an example would help.
Now I'm off to celebrate with my bubble, and the end of 2020!
Nastrovia!..............P
thank you reading and commenting (this is more like it!).
Yes, your opinions certainly do matter, since you have taken the time and trouble to critique the poem.
It is entirely your assumption that the narrator is 'grown up', no doubt thrown by the supposedly theological language. But that's fine.
I have to take issue with your comment that the lines are 'guided' by the rhymes - for me, every rhyme drives the narration - an example of what you mean would have been handy.
'Sounds sketchy'? - good, that's exactly the effect I was after. I'm covering two completely different belief systems within a single narration, so non-specificity is in order here.
'The content isn't as smoothly laid as it could be.' - I don't know what you mean by this, again, an example would help.
Now I'm off to celebrate with my bubble, and the end of 2020!
Nastrovia!..............P