12-21-2020, 05:10 PM
I impress the ego, as in, press it. Maintain it. The self. All those ideas. I am it. It doesn't need words. The Useless Path, as I've said, in which I only say things that are offensive, silly or unnecessary. To lay everything clear. To walk naked and shameless, like the Jesus of my poetry. Full and overflowing with emptiness. To be profoundly trite, selfish and universal.
Also as self-experiment. I don't want to eliminate the ego, but neuroses. To put anxiety in a triangle. You see, I would spend weeks agonizing with guilt and embarrassment over things I say, because of alcohol. I can say I'm a whole spirit, but then alcohol effects my brain in ways that prove I'm just a mechanism. No matter what I do to fortify myself, I drink alcohol, and I feel suicidal regret. Well, I overcame it. Now I never experience anxiety. Drinking or not. I cured myself using half-baked, quack ideas. I don't want to upset people, I want to annihilate upsetness. Plus, I want to engage people with my buffoonery, to explore what is and how to write about it. I had muses to write love poems, I like to be pushed, to be engaged with, so I can write. I can respond to myself, I talk to myself all day. I live the Useless Path. I get directions from other people. I want to write impersonal poetry, but everything is personal. I'm not person, a mask, I'm just a self. That's partly etymoleaping, but I'm using words after all. Uselessly. But me.
Also as self-experiment. I don't want to eliminate the ego, but neuroses. To put anxiety in a triangle. You see, I would spend weeks agonizing with guilt and embarrassment over things I say, because of alcohol. I can say I'm a whole spirit, but then alcohol effects my brain in ways that prove I'm just a mechanism. No matter what I do to fortify myself, I drink alcohol, and I feel suicidal regret. Well, I overcame it. Now I never experience anxiety. Drinking or not. I cured myself using half-baked, quack ideas. I don't want to upset people, I want to annihilate upsetness. Plus, I want to engage people with my buffoonery, to explore what is and how to write about it. I had muses to write love poems, I like to be pushed, to be engaged with, so I can write. I can respond to myself, I talk to myself all day. I live the Useless Path. I get directions from other people. I want to write impersonal poetry, but everything is personal. I'm not person, a mask, I'm just a self. That's partly etymoleaping, but I'm using words after all. Uselessly. But me.