12-20-2020, 10:23 PM
I'm back here reading it again.
I see the familial theme mixed in there, that works, but not hard enough. I'm reading it over and over, seeing if I can catch more of it. The rhymes assume more patterns, but, they don't have to be there.
I see the paternal connection, but it's not clear enough from the Santa Claus, yet too clear if the daddy Claus isn't there. Is it too simple, or too complex?
Yes. That's what I see. The poem seems heavy, as it should, but doesn't pull through the heaviness. Santa Claus's existence can be a heavy layer weighty thing. But this poem isn't doing it. It's just bordering on it.
The paternal father, christ, Santa Nick, some beliefs. There's lots to seriously play with.
I see the familial theme mixed in there, that works, but not hard enough. I'm reading it over and over, seeing if I can catch more of it. The rhymes assume more patterns, but, they don't have to be there.
I see the paternal connection, but it's not clear enough from the Santa Claus, yet too clear if the daddy Claus isn't there. Is it too simple, or too complex?
Yes. That's what I see. The poem seems heavy, as it should, but doesn't pull through the heaviness. Santa Claus's existence can be a heavy layer weighty thing. But this poem isn't doing it. It's just bordering on it.
The paternal father, christ, Santa Nick, some beliefs. There's lots to seriously play with.