12-20-2020, 04:53 AM
Hello Mark,
a stark poem, and having read your replies, with a dark message.
crawling in my bones - a confusing opening for me, I first thought the narrator was crawling - in the context of a spider, it doesn't sound right (crawling in bone?), give a more specific image, like 'spinning' - which chimes with invisible. ?
on its invisible web- its invisible web - add a modifier for syllable count perhaps.
cold eyes glowing green - this is good - the colour of sickness.
thank you for sharing......P
a stark poem, and having read your replies, with a dark message.
crawling in my bones - a confusing opening for me, I first thought the narrator was crawling - in the context of a spider, it doesn't sound right (crawling in bone?), give a more specific image, like 'spinning' - which chimes with invisible. ?
on its invisible web- its invisible web - add a modifier for syllable count perhaps.
cold eyes glowing green - this is good - the colour of sickness.
thank you for sharing......P