When I stopped believing

[CRNDLSM]

When I stopped believing

no shining revelation nor vision in the night
but a creeping realisation that something wasn't right
too many questions without answer and he gently fell from grace this line seems an abrupt change in the middle
I am orphaned by my father with none to take his place.

so I laid that final straw and like the snow-drift in the field
my heart began to slowly thaw and the awful truth revealed in the steady rythyms I want to rush the awful truth
that I was blissful in my blindness though misguided by my kin
to a witness of each kindness and the consequence of sin. I think the sonics work too well for clarity, my kin, witness, 

but now that I am older with empty skies above
the world is that much colder without his gift of love the father's gift? Older but still without the gift of love or was the time of orphanage important
when I stopped believing I like this change in rythym
winter came hard that day
for ever he was leaving
with reindeer to guide his sleigh. He died on Christmas so Santa isn't real. 

Like a parody of the night before Christmas?  Thanks for sharing