11-28-2020, 01:09 AM
Hello Miley,
This poem is bristling with imagery which makes for an engaging read. I'm not sure what the message is - steer clear of the world's problems?
Of course it comes across as two poems, your intent I think, one a gentle focus on the stars, the other a seemingly angry rant.
For me, clots, wounds and stones don't work as a metaphors for the stars.
Then I'm a bit lost on the meaning of the second and third verses.
The rant is dynamic and effective, although the swear word only adds shock value - it's a poor metaphor - stretch the vocabulary here.
Like the repeat of 'I demand North' - simple and effective.
Thanks for sharing.........P
This poem is bristling with imagery which makes for an engaging read. I'm not sure what the message is - steer clear of the world's problems?
Of course it comes across as two poems, your intent I think, one a gentle focus on the stars, the other a seemingly angry rant.
For me, clots, wounds and stones don't work as a metaphors for the stars.
Then I'm a bit lost on the meaning of the second and third verses.
The rant is dynamic and effective, although the swear word only adds shock value - it's a poor metaphor - stretch the vocabulary here.
Like the repeat of 'I demand North' - simple and effective.
Thanks for sharing.........P