11-14-2020, 03:59 AM
We rain through time
congealed in memory's malaise.
We rain through time
and steel, on carcasses and slime,
with secrets washed from yesterday's
forever. In this methane-haze,
we rain through time.
Such a direct simplicity and elegance, it is difficult to find anything blaringly weak or incorrect about the poem.
Perhaps you could mess around with punctuation in order to give a different look at the body of the text---to disrupt some of the ideas.
The ideas are juxtaposed well and are differentiated by the metronome.
congealed in memory's malaise.
We rain through time
and steel, on carcasses and slime,
with secrets washed from yesterday's
forever. In this methane-haze,
we rain through time.
Such a direct simplicity and elegance, it is difficult to find anything blaringly weak or incorrect about the poem.
Perhaps you could mess around with punctuation in order to give a different look at the body of the text---to disrupt some of the ideas.
The ideas are juxtaposed well and are differentiated by the metronome.
plutocratic polyphonous pandering