Last Words

[Knot]

.
Hi philip,
enjoyed the first verse, the enjambment on line two is works very well
(maybe switch the order of L5, where, at my head, a machine and
possibly break the line after clean ?) - but the rest don't seem to build
on such a strong opening.

(should it be sung (L8)?)

just a thought ...

Kind faces gather
round my bed
and I am moved
to a room, clean
and pale
where at my head
a patient
machine
sighs audibly
as I exhale.


Best, Knot