09-26-2020, 01:38 PM
The darkness is lifted
A child cries
Tears subside and eyes open
Colors light the world
Tiny feet trod limitless paths
Full of promise
Joy abounds and light is rich
Time turns and options narrow
Choices made
She is found
Hope shines
Others are given
A child cries
Promises lost
Plans deserted
Love forsaken
Plunged into dark
Will to fight ignites
I teach myself to see (use either she or I)
Eyes open but limitless fields of gray unfold
Colors gone and sounds muted
Path unclear
I tremble alone
A child cries
I journey to find color
But the turned pages are empty
And the book is near to end
Should I accept the gray
Keep trying
Another broken heart (perhaps go a little deeper into the color imagery in the stanza before this line. It may provide a smoother transition from the theme of color to being heartbroken)
Will assaulted
Self-esteem dissolved
A child cries
The paths are lined with my desire
And littered with my failures (Love this line)
I trudge on for the sake of others
But the others are near gone
And I am no farther from the dark
Or closer to the light
A child cries
I reach for the switch
And plunge my gray back to black
Perhaps I can close the book
I sit alone on the path
Without sight and wait
For the stars to appear
The fear burns
The will fades
Darkness penetrates
A child cries
------
I really enjoyed this poem. I think that it is almost perfect as it is but there are very few things that could be changed. Great work!
A child cries
Tears subside and eyes open
Colors light the world
Tiny feet trod limitless paths
Full of promise
Joy abounds and light is rich
Time turns and options narrow
Choices made
She is found
Hope shines
Others are given
A child cries
Promises lost
Plans deserted
Love forsaken
Plunged into dark
Will to fight ignites
I teach myself to see (use either she or I)
Eyes open but limitless fields of gray unfold
Colors gone and sounds muted
Path unclear
I tremble alone
A child cries
I journey to find color
But the turned pages are empty
And the book is near to end
Should I accept the gray
Keep trying
Another broken heart (perhaps go a little deeper into the color imagery in the stanza before this line. It may provide a smoother transition from the theme of color to being heartbroken)
Will assaulted
Self-esteem dissolved
A child cries
The paths are lined with my desire
And littered with my failures (Love this line)
I trudge on for the sake of others
But the others are near gone
And I am no farther from the dark
Or closer to the light
A child cries
I reach for the switch
And plunge my gray back to black
Perhaps I can close the book
I sit alone on the path
Without sight and wait
For the stars to appear
The fear burns
The will fades
Darkness penetrates
A child cries
------
I really enjoyed this poem. I think that it is almost perfect as it is but there are very few things that could be changed. Great work!