08-28-2020, 11:54 AM
VikaJigulina,
Questions are a rhetorical device not a poetical ones. It can work fine in speechifying, but generally weakens a poem.
example:
"I speak, no one listens,
What I say is left unprovoked."
Overall the poem reads like a list (a wish list). Lists are boring.
Drop the caps at the start of every line and only cap beginning of sentences for clarity and readability.
Use punctuation correctly for clarity and readability.
Avoid starting so many of your lines with "I", unless you are trying to illuminate self-centeredness.
Avoid repetitiveness.
best,
dale
Questions are a rhetorical device not a poetical ones. It can work fine in speechifying, but generally weakens a poem.
example:
"I speak, no one listens,
What I say is left unprovoked."
Overall the poem reads like a list (a wish list). Lists are boring.
Drop the caps at the start of every line and only cap beginning of sentences for clarity and readability.
Use punctuation correctly for clarity and readability.
Avoid starting so many of your lines with "I", unless you are trying to illuminate self-centeredness.
Avoid repetitiveness.
best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.