hummingbird

[Tiger the Lion]

I love this.
Didn’t quite follow the wings / strings portion - looked like meaning was sacrificed in the temptation to rhyme
But that aside, nothing much to complain about

Hey Joyful. I just wanted to say I agree with Busker's above sentiment. "Longing falls..." is too weak a line for an otherwise strong poem. For me, the issue is that the simile is weak to begin with, so the rhyme is an unneeded jolt. Is there a universal way that readers will imagine a bow falling on strings? Not really. So the comparison adds no real clarity as to how "longing falls." I think it's the combination of a weak simile and an unexpected rhyme that makes it stand out so much. Omitting or reworking that one line would lift the entire piece IMO.