in the event of moon disaster

[Joyful Noise]

Hi Joyful Noise,

Really enjoyed this. Comments below

in the event of moon disaster

One, splitting tension, creates a I don't think the commas are necessary. I saw in your other poem "hummingbird" how you experimented with form and I was wondering if you'd want to try that here. Maybe to achieve the pauses I think you were going for around "splitting tension" you could add more space around the word. Just a thought. Otherwise, I like the start
Small disturbance in the fore- 2-3 dashes for an em dash
Step of giants
For sinkholes are only as large as the 
Man who dives down into them I like these last two lines but I don't really understand the structure of the sentence. My confusion starts at "step of giants". That being said, it might be more helpful to the reader if you only capitalized like you normally would instead of at the beginning of every line.

One distant dust speckle,
Giant to its beloved leeches, they 
Leap from vein to vein,
For from the marrow of 
Mankind do they suckle I'm unclear about who "they" is but I think I have a vague idea




*The title of this poem is pulled from the header of a 1969 speech prepared in the event that the Apollo 11 crew did not return from their lunar mission.* 

Thank you for the read and welcome to the site!

Alex

Thank you, Alex! I love your suggestion about creating space around “splitting tension.” Will most likely implement. There is a reason I chose to capitalize the first word of each line…maybe read once more and see if you can spot it ;)
Perhaps a hint would be to tell you that the em dash you suggested really is meant to be a hyphen (thought I had to look it up to be sure). The full word is meant to be forestep.