08-07-2020, 10:38 AM
Thank you, Exit! I thoroughly enjoyed your points. I have not really come into my own in terms of stylistic choices, so the lack of normal capitalization is perhaps more out of habit (I sometimes send messages without capitalization because I prefer the look of lowercase letters) than well-thought out choice. And I completely agree about the “bows on strings”. I will make that edit.
Thanks, Erthona. Upon repeated readings, I think I am beginning to agree with the amount of line truncation as excessive. I would say that I do like the verbal-mental tension and imagery associated with the visual form of lines 17-19. What do you think about keeping these in the original form?
hummingbird: edit #1
Anoint me with grit and
throw colors at me,
that I may lap up the nectar of life
Curling my toes, I
feel what it is to be here,
be near
who is I AM that
BEING would sow me in such fertile soil
and congruently blossom within me
Rub my eyes and beat my wings
Longing falls as bows on strings
as I fit myself into place
squeeze myself into the gaps
between
tectonic plates
Thanks, Erthona. Upon repeated readings, I think I am beginning to agree with the amount of line truncation as excessive. I would say that I do like the verbal-mental tension and imagery associated with the visual form of lines 17-19. What do you think about keeping these in the original form?
hummingbird: edit #1
Anoint me with grit and
throw colors at me,
that I may lap up the nectar of life
Curling my toes, I
feel what it is to be here,
be near
who is I AM that
BEING would sow me in such fertile soil
and congruently blossom within me
Rub my eyes and beat my wings
Longing falls as bows on strings
as I fit myself into place
squeeze myself into the gaps
between
tectonic plates