Mantis: A Fable

[Knot]

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Hi Adam,

I think edit 2 is an improvement, but there might still be more you could do.

You've the opportunity for rhyme, should you so wish,

The harshest discipline will not alter

an evil person, their base nature

Consider how the mantis, once a mortal

man, prophet, whited sepulchre

a fortune teller unfulfilled

with courtship cast his covetous eyes

,,,

And with the rest, you could cut some of the redundancies, (you've 'divine' twice, and three variations on altered - remade, metamorphosis and changed)

but consistently cast his covetous eyes on everyone

then begs for forgiveness when he feels remorse.

His victims prayed to the god Jupiter who became so enraged

the god remade him--a divine metamorphosis which changed him

into the bug we know today, the praying mantis.

And yet, despite that divine condemnation

knowingly to suffer decapitation during copulation,

knowing this still the mantis has not changed his ways

Why should it only be the nature of an evil person that discipline cannot change?

Submit it or not. Your piece, your choice. But it's a very nice idea. Be a shame to waste it.

Best, Knot

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