07-20-2020, 05:07 AM
I can look through you like glass, glass is a bit cliche
Or spend all my time
Imagining pictures in all of the your smudges. Grease and smudges? Can you extend this image somehow and make it more interesting?
And yet, I'm always more mesmerized by the scenery,
and know there are windows and buildings out there
much more beautiful than you.
I'm no good with anything fragile;
It's bound to break beneath my feet.
Does this make me heartless?
I really don't know.
I would remove the ending, it doesn't really work. I think I can see where you are going with this poem, but it could do with some more interesting imagery to lift it from where it currently stands.
Or spend all my time
Imagining pictures in all of the your smudges. Grease and smudges? Can you extend this image somehow and make it more interesting?
And yet, I'm always more mesmerized by the scenery,
and know there are windows and buildings out there
much more beautiful than you.
I'm no good with anything fragile;
It's bound to break beneath my feet.
Does this make me heartless?
I really don't know.
I would remove the ending, it doesn't really work. I think I can see where you are going with this poem, but it could do with some more interesting imagery to lift it from where it currently stands.