Double Baby Carriage (Senryu)
#4
(10-11-2019, 01:34 AM)dukealien Wrote:  
(10-11-2019, 12:45 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  
(10-10-2019, 08:48 AM)dukealien Wrote:  Double Baby Carriage


Husband pushes twins
trim wife runs along beside
looking much relieved.
Hey Duke. I enjoyed this on first read. When I came back to it I wondered why the wife was running. How quickly is the husband pushing this double carriage?
Pretty fast - keeping up (g).  Perhaps "jogs" in place of "runs?"
OOOOOoooo, what about "trots?" - if you're trying to convey a sense of relief along with a brisk pace, please consider "trots"
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Messages In This Thread
Double Baby Carriage (Senryu) - by dukealien - 10-10-2019, 08:48 AM
RE: Double Baby Carriage (Senryu) - by dukealien - 10-11-2019, 01:34 AM
RE: Double Baby Carriage (Senryu) - by Valerie Please - 07-17-2020, 08:29 AM



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