06-06-2020, 05:24 AM
Thanks for the feedback. I haven't read Sappho, but I'll look at some of her poetry. And I don't think the poem is necessarily a love poem per se, but rather a fear one can have in love.
I actually revised the latter half this way:
"I imagine us dancing, the girl and I,
side by side, woman to woman,
I laugh, it’s fun, I can’t tell us apart.
I remember your hand in my mouth--
It was too big and I looked ridiculous.
It doesn’t matter;
you would remember it differently.
My body is a drifting shell,
floating head limbs feet underwater."
I actually revised the latter half this way:
"I imagine us dancing, the girl and I,
side by side, woman to woman,
I laugh, it’s fun, I can’t tell us apart.
I remember your hand in my mouth--
It was too big and I looked ridiculous.
It doesn’t matter;
you would remember it differently.
My body is a drifting shell,
floating head limbs feet underwater."