In Isolation

[Knot]

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Hi penned.

I prefer this tauter version, but still confused by the mother/Jasmine/nurses (that sense of delirium is effective though).

In the 'last night' section are they in the same physical space?

Jasmine broods like tea brews,

- Not sure about the name change, feels like you're going for the joke (but this may just be me)

her days stretching out like elastic.

- still think 'elastic' is weak, any way to develop the 'tea' image, for instance

She broods like tea brews,

the days stretch out, an endless stream

of washing up/of empty cups ?

she likes imagining her mother trapped inside

a jam jar, white palms pressing on the glass;

a mime in plum lipstick and plastic shoes.

She likes imagining the silence.

She thinks she can hear her cells moving

under her skin, like London in summer.

She whispers to her marrow wake up!

(for an even blunter end, you could end here )

Last night they lay awake listening

to their own breathing. They both know

that one month in one room is too long.

When the nurses come she pretends to sleep,

Avoiding small talk as dull as sparrows feathers.

Behind the car park a tree is turning toward Autumn.

She opens the vertical blind as if unveiling a secret.

Best, Knot

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