Guess - edit

[dukealien]

edit;

Guess


Mississippi Veterans' Cemetery
seen from rushing Interstate:
low off-white wall, green swale around
one flagpole (guess which flag).

On either side
fenced away black cattle lay
heads turned by interstate commotion
limbs deep-folded not in pleading
penance or in prayer
but sunny perfect rest.

Further on a puzzled buzzard
circled gobbets of cast-off retread
wondering how anything so obviously dead
could smell so bad.

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Thanks for the excellent critique!  Good advice about minimizing commas in free verse - line breaks can modulate the reading better.  The disliked S4 is gone... but incorporated.  That discomfort is, at least so far, the point of the piece:  when you look into the abyss (civil war, for example, or just history) and it inevitably looks back at you, the face reflected is your own if you've the willingness to see it.

Duke,

This piece rains commas and the font seems less than desirable.

"green swale rolling" "Green swale", sure, but rolling  IDK.

Loved the third stanza and overall a pretty nice poem, but the last stanza/line ruined it for me.

travelogue: a lecture, slide show, or motion picture describing travels. How does that fit on a flag?Even more, why should I care? Please explicate.

best,

dale

A slide show and, as subtly as could be managed, a lecture.