03-03-2020, 06:12 AM
busker,
A nice little idyll, but could use some tightening up. However if you do not care for any critique, please feel free to ignore.
Maybe a semicolon after London rather than a comma. The rest of the commas could be deleted, this would help with readability.
"to trace, a smile that’s mine" -> to trace my smile
First line maybe "London; how I long to clear" Obvious line break after "clear"
This reminds me a little of "fog" by Sandburg.
best,
dale
A nice little idyll, but could use some tightening up. However if you do not care for any critique, please feel free to ignore.
Maybe a semicolon after London rather than a comma. The rest of the commas could be deleted, this would help with readability.
"to trace, a smile that’s mine" -> to trace my smile
First line maybe "London; how I long to clear" Obvious line break after "clear"
This reminds me a little of "fog" by Sandburg.
best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.