Jordan Peterson - edit2

[dukealien]

It's about Jordan Peterson, the psychologist/philosopher, who was placed in an induced coma while Russian doctors detoxed him from prescription mood-control drugs to which he'd become physically addicted.

Good critique - as usual, I probably leaned too hard on meter.  Thanks!

Although very poetic "to lotus-eater’s calm" seems redundant.

"after-death" could probably be cut and just go with " Lethe’s...
forgetting"

"knaves" could probably be dropped to the next line and the comma before it excised.

"Jordan's river" implies the country Jordan has a unspecified river. However, the most famous river in Jordan is the "Jordan river", no possessive. For me at least it muddies the water

Although titled"Jordan’s River", the river does not seem to be the "he" of the poem. Obviously you are making some kind of illusion, but it completely bypasses me. In the end I really have no idea what this is about. Am I just dense? I would appreciate enlightenment.

best,


dale