Down Street, One Knee

[Todd]

This has some very evocative descriptive elements. I'm a bit surprised that it's going to be read at a wedding--not because it's bad but because the imagery seems more disturbing than I'd see at a wedding it's the subtle choices (again not saying this is a flaw in the poem I'm just surprised that it would be used for the occasion of your wedding).

The opening works for the occasion.

These lines have a darker cast to them:

that flash and scream through pockets etched in the darkness
Our hidden London beneath the blood tiled arches of this discarded station

Same with the claustrophobic:

Concave walls cradle strangers too close, sucked into trains, suffocating (cradle feels like the wrong word here as it is too nurturing for the other imagery and feels disjointed).

Blind to these estranged tunnels, disconnected and reassigned (Estranged is a choice that seems at odds with a wedding).

This is our platform, guarded from the warped blur of faceless bodies (again love the line and image, but a bit eerie).

In the bowels of the city down disused shafts, our torch beams entwine (the entwining of beams works, but then there is the bowels).

Above us, London sprawls in cold sun, a knotted tangle of streets and back alleys (a cold sun...I could go on. I am not saying this is the case but I would hear this and wonder if the writer was regretting their marital choice).

So, in short, good poem odd choice for where to read it even if it reflects the shared experience with your partner.

Just my thoughts, not sure how helpful they are.

Best,

Todd