01-31-2020, 12:26 AM
Hi Scajaquada.
Thanks for sharing this.
I think your poem has a good sense of movement, but that it lost its flow somewhat in the middle. I felt that the insertion of historic and cultural references was laboured and clashed with the flow of the poem. My attention was reignited from the seventh stanza where I felt it had a more human element. This may be a conscious contrast you've chosen to draw, but if this had been in a book I probably wouldn't have made it to your excellent seventh stanza.
Good luck and best wishes
Thanks for sharing this.
I think your poem has a good sense of movement, but that it lost its flow somewhat in the middle. I felt that the insertion of historic and cultural references was laboured and clashed with the flow of the poem. My attention was reignited from the seventh stanza where I felt it had a more human element. This may be a conscious contrast you've chosen to draw, but if this had been in a book I probably wouldn't have made it to your excellent seventh stanza.
Good luck and best wishes